The Claven syndrome

Sitting in a Starbucks in Danville Va listening to this rather large person pan out life information like it's gold worth having. It amazes me how, when people get into a group of more than 1 they suddenly turn into a wealth of knowledge. This one here is about to make me lose what little I had for breakfast.

I know, I know, I could just get up and leave. And I will, soon. Honestly though, this persons commentary is so silly I just can't walk away. So who's worse here?